we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
