he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
