How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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