I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
