If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
