You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
