i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
