One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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