I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
