I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
