it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I made him laugh his dick is mine
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
