Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
