He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
