So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
