This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
