Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
