I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Randomize
