Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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