is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
