Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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