I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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