i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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