I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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