Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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