You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
