half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i dont even know how to be here
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize