I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Randomize
