Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
