We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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