there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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