I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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