My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
my being single is dangerous.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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