the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
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I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
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And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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