Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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