omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize