Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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