The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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