all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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