You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize