What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
