He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
