i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
