Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
