dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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