Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
