I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
