I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
