It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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