He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
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More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
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I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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