You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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