Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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