hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
