sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I didn't shave. On purpose
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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