DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
