Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
