Yo dont text me then not text me
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
