I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
