She said her name was "party"
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
