I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I think your dad took our porno
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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