We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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