Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
