Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
