My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
