if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
