Insert tab A into swedish slot B
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery