onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.