Pants 0. Shit 1.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.