I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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