The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.