apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
