I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
